The Mistress' Diary

The musings of a Dominant, looking through a lens of the waning art of BDSM.

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  • 11/25/2025 – How Mistress Likes It

    W/we prefer O/our coffee and tea served certain ways. W/we have preferences for the temperature of O/our beef. And being the kind of Woman I am, I have quite a list of preferences for the submissive minds that I toy with.

    My tastes are wide and My cravings are often insatiable. If you’re wondering if W/we may have chemistry as Dominant and submissive, either in play or the longer term, some of these should certainly align with you and your own desires.

    I like a sub that communicate efficiently. Nothing shelves My interest in a new face quite like a lack of interest in telling Me who they are and a lack of respect in communicating what they need. You need not be Tolkien or Asimov but My interest in your devotion will stick if you can talk about how you wish to belong and feel.

    I like a sub that can effortless mesh their desires with Mine, especially Mine at the forefront. I want you to want to hurt for Me, to sacrifice for Me, to grovel like your life was on the line for Me. Whimper at Me and ask if I’ve had My fill of beating you. Sheepishly look into My eyes and beg Me to take more of your money. Realize the comfort in being on your knees, prostrate to Me in stroking My ego and begging for a release that there isn’t even a promise of you receiving.

    I like a sub who isn’t just a loser, but knows how to be a loser properly. A lack of passion and drive is gross. A lack of stability on the outside of the dungeon is repugnant. Subject yourself to My bite and My cruelty, but regain your dimensions when the shackles come off your ankles. Have stability, interests and hobbies, a drive to self improve. After all, how can you hope to belong if you aren’t furthering your station to continue to deserve your place at My feet?

    I like a sub who explores their own body and tastes for Me. Gooning and jerking off alone are boring and don’t often much mental stimulation for Me as your guide into the perverted. Fantasize about being in chains powering My empire. Question whether that “lack of pain tolerance” can be toyed with and developed. Submission is not just a lack of control to a Domme, but a push hard out of your comfort zone. I want you to see domination past what you’ve allowed yourself to experience and take the journey with Me to corrupt you further.

    I like a sub that worships whether I’m “on” or “off” My element. Find Me as irresistible in light makeup, crop tops and yoga pants as you find Me in black lipstick, latex and garters. Fall in love with My ease of bringing you to the floor and My often menace-like sense of humor.

    I like a sub that doesn’t run like a little bitch when they fuck up. They acknowledge that it is impossible to offer flawless submission and servitude during their time with Me, and do what it takes to make up for their mistakes. They know apologies are expected to be expensive and concise, that punishment exists to better their efforts and them as a sub, and accept it. For they know that running the second they’re held accountable, that cowardice for mistakes or lack of care for making them, will rebuild the wall that W/we both spent time breaking down. No ego is more important than making up for things done wrong, and no sub is exempt from responsibility to their Goddess.

    I like a sub with a sense of realism they commit to, no matter the moment in time. They don’t offer their hard stops to Me in an attempt to impress Me, but work with Me to get them there one day. They don’t stay distant simply because of My more unattainable facets, but embrace what they are given like the most precious gift. They don’t stray away from the pornographic filth that propels their fantasies, but realize that porn is simply that — a fantasy — and that there are leaps that cannot crest into reality.

    And finally: I like a sub that learns to let go completely for Me. They embrace the complete shutdown of their mind and let Me take the wheel. They arch properly to accept a flogging rather than curling away from it. They let their vices have a little power and erase any shame they may harbor even for a few minutes. And they lay their autonomy in My hands, trusting I’ll return it to them once the game is played… or trusting it to be watched carefully while it stays in a lock box out of their desperate reach.

    That is how Mistress Alexxxia likes it. Do you have what it takes to please Me?

  • 11/10/2025 – Financial Domination: Evolution and Misunderstanding of the Most Expensive of Kinks

    Findom (or financial domination) is a kink that has spread across the internet faster than wildfire across plains of dried grass. For better or worse, the fetish is here to stay, and as someone who got their start in professional BDSM work through this fetish almost ten years ago, I figure I’d touch on it, for the fellow Domme as well as the sub that may or may not have this unique craving.

    First, it’s best to start with a definition. Findom is the sexual desire to submit to a Superior (or the desire to be submitted to by an inferior) in the form of cash or gifts. It plays with O/our widespread understanding that money is the most tangible source of power throughout the world, and is one of the kinks that truly puts the service and happiness of a Domme as the priority. Much like gambling, playing with one’s money on either side of the D/s aisle can often be a high-adrenaline play, and much like any other kink, it can be paired with other kinks for a fuller experience, or misused and misunderstood by those that engage with it.

    In 2025, a time where capitalism has almost all of us in a vice grip, especially in the United States, findom has spread its influence everywhere. On every social media app, and often most news sites, there exists a glut of articles and conversations relating to the kink. Some highly informative, some downright reckless. And why wouldn’t it? The sacrifice of something to sustain you, to give you comfort, to afford you both luxuries and necessities, is a power play that most often plays with ease on the digital field. For the most part, it takes away the social pressure of meeting with a professional, and instead allows up to complete anonymity in handing over everything you wish to give into the hands of powerful, gorgeous Dominants.

    Like many Dommes, I enjoy findom. As someone whose role defines the ultimate source of power and enjoys luxury and spoiling from My pets, it’s incredibly sexy and invigorating. I get to watch submissive, eager men use the very matter they work hours for, compete with each other with, and have been taught since youth to acquire a tremendous amount of to mean something, click it away or hand it over while I watch those numbers crow higher. It is, in fact, a kink of Mine, as it exists as a substantial proof of My power. But like many Dommes, I am also often disappointed in the weaponization of the kink and the name of the kink itself in play with both sides of the aisle.

    First, the Dominant side. As I mentioned, mention of findom can be found anywhere across the internet. One of these endless troves of content being the popular app TikTok. And this is where My personal disgust with the gross misuse of the kink tends to rest. Each new year brings new generations of girls into the industry with findom as their lantern to guide them in, but so often they stop right there. The number of men who genuinely have this kink (who often refer to themselves as human ATMs, cash cows, pay pigs, etc.) is not as big as communicated through these misinformed videos, and so often genuine interest around this kink — one that of course must be treated with at least some semblance of responsibility and knowledge — comes from very similar sources.

    The IG model-esque woman in her early 20s with a whole class system, running a grift on a “one size fits all” mentoring program.

    The influencer type that refuses to recognize findom as sex work or even kink work because “I’m not getting naked!” or “I’m not hitting them!”

    Or the random girl explaining how she found a paypig and is gushing to the public when she herself is completely vanilla.

    These sorts pain Me to hear about. Their existence consists of terrible takes on social media for outrage clout, whoreaphobia, legitimate kink shaming and mistreatment of subs who are genuinely trying to explore the kink. They will often avoid learning about any other kinks and why they exist in line with findom, or they are lining up a number of women to enter an industry they can’t survive in long-term with no ability to self-preserve, protect their privacy and comprehend that once you’re in, you’re never fully out. They will also often water down the experience of subs looking for providers to genuinely explore their wants and needs, reducing findom down to “more,” “sent,” “more,” “sent” exchanges. And while this can work for some, it renders the kink hollow.

    I love findom because it allows for me to hold the reins of a sub’s life in a way that isn’t condemned solely to in-person play. It often opens the door for subs to explore new kinks and provide Me with full checklists of things I can use to enhance the experience, such as hypnosis or niche types of humiliation. With each new generation, kinks may change, but especially now in a growing state of anti-intellectualism and cheapened AI-clad content, those who are left seeking a way to scratch their itch often feel cheated, and so often feel scammed.

    It is My genuine opinion that if you are not willing to handle the stigma of doing this line of work (and you will face it no matter how “bad” you think you are), and are not willing to engage in a capacity that involves you taking the time to learn how to do things safely, this is not the community for you. If that makes your chest tighten and your shoulders rise in defiance, I’ll need you to put things in perspective. Any woman that begins doing findom is doing sex work. Any woman that engages in kink should be learning about it before diving right in. And any Domme that has been around only a small handful of years should not be painting themselves as a “mentor” in this space. These things are how genuine subs are getting hurt, and while a lack of care toward men as a whole may be an appeal to some, in the long term and more widespread community, responsibility is not only important, it’s mandatory.

    Now for the subs. First, I’d like to express My understanding on why money is such a high importance for them. One, the obvious, you need money to survive. Two, you’re taught a cocktail of various points of view on money. Tell Me if any of these ring true:

    “You have to be the provider when you grow up. That’s what a man does.”

    “If a woman even asks you for a cent, she is a golddigger. And you’re a simp if you give in even once.”

    “Money is the one way to assert your dominance over those who tell you you can’t do it.”

    “Work hard. And if you don’t have enough, work even harder.”

    All things I’ve heard before from subs under societal pressure to earn, earn, earn. It’s one of the reason so many men seek not only findom, but submission in general. You get to turn off your brain, have decisions made for you and enter a space where there’s no constant pressure to “be the man.” You simply exist as a gimp, a slave, a slut, a wallet… whatever it is you crave that a Domme can help you achieve. You may even get the well-timed ego destruction you’ve been in deep need of for a while. And that space is a beautiful thing. But so often, the sacrifice of money in any form is misconstrued as this.

    As a Domme, I come across subs oftentimes that misunderstand not only My role, but My facets as a professional and kinkster, often because of one findom post. These men immediately tell Me they’re not into findom the second they say “Hello, Mistress.” And I mean, when they’re not even prompted to tell Me their limits. This tells Me a few things: some of these men have been forced to engage in findom if they want any sort of play from Dommes they approach, or they see even one dollar out of their accounts in the form of interaction with Me or content purchased from Me as one in the same with findom.

    Findom takes many roles, but every exchange or sacrifice of money does not qualify as findom. Below are some of the things that do not count as findom:

    • purchasing clips or audios
    • subscribing to Her OF, LF, etc.
    • paying Her rate for a session, be it call, video, or in-person
    • paying initial tribute to a Domme when you wish to converse with Her

    The last of these is perhaps one thing that will be seen as most controversial, but it’s a common test utilized by many Dommes, not just solely “FinDommes.” Tribute is an act that shows intent, of appreciation for time spent on anything from getting to know one another to common discussion. The harsh reality is this: all Dommes are busy, full-lifed beings. They encounter hundreds of contacts per month. If I spent the time answering every message and email from every person to reach out to Me, with or without intentions to compensate Me for My time, I would have no time left for the things outside of being a Domme that matter to Me.

    The funny thing is: most of My personal toys that I keep close aren’t even into findom as a kink — they’re into My happiness. I don’t need to drain every sub that approaches Me at all, even if I enjoy it, because like each sub that approaches Me, My own tastes are diversified. But regardless of kink present or not, a quality sub to a Domme, particularly one who is hoping for closer dynamics with a Domme, does have an important trait: generosity. The subs allowed to grow beside and serve Me are those that are willing to make concessions to My happiness and to bettering My life. Selflessness is one of the best traits of any human being, and that includes My personal pets. A refusal to do these things will keep you at a “client” or the occasional play partner in this setting, and while you are clearly welcome to still engage, you must come to terms with the barrier you will put between yourself and a true dynamic with Me and, quite frankly, any Domme you wish to have wrap a collar around your neck and call you “owned.”

    The deterioration of this kink especially has been something to concern Me for quite a while, and while I’m hoping things can simmer down (less in an old-guard way and more of a “please educate yourself” way), it doesn’t seem like that will be happening anytime soon. For now, all I can enjoy is the stream of pets that trickle into My field of reach, and hope that the subs that seek out this deeply mindfucking kink, with or without Me holding the purse strings, to find fulfillment in how that kink is truly meant to be played with.

  • 11/5/2025 – How To Book A Dominatrix

    It’s your turn. After searching high and low, you’ve found the Domme that has everything you’re wanting. Beautiful, terrifying, skilled in the kinks you’re most desperate to explore. But that leaves one final question: how do you proceed?

    Fortunately, it’s only as difficult as you make it to be, and can actually be done rather quickly if you know how to approach Us. So I’ve created this short guide — a list of things to make sure to always consider and apply to your contacts. These are all non-negotiables to ensure that you’re immediately on the good side of a Domme and make a good first impression:

    • Visit Their website & applying to submit:

    Whether on a booking/advertising site, social media, or through searching on Google, the Dominatrixes that want to play with you directly should always have a website. Not just a Telegram. Not just a Twitter. But a legitimate website with a business email to reach out to them. This website will tell you everything you need to know — how to contact them, how to apply to be seen, their rates, their offerings, etc.

    This is where you’ll have to do something that plenty give up on: reading (pearl clutch!). However, let Me put it into perspective for you: twenty minutes of combined time to apply and type out those emails is nothing compared to the time that I’m about to spend planning an amazing experience for you, dolling Myself up, setting up the session location, transportation, etc.

    It may seem boring to you, but following directions should excite you! Imagine the build-up in the steps you have to take to get to see Me. The excitement in the wait while I’m eyeing you up (read: reading your application) as My prey. Anticipation is all a part of the fun, all a part of the mindfuck. Look at it as such.

    Once you’ve applied, it’s important to always send a follow-up email. Some of Us utilize application systems that might not immediately alert Us of your entry. This is also a perfect opportunity to include any and all questions you may have.

    • Be realistic in pursuit of your approach:

    No, She’s not actually going to castrate you.
    No, She’s not going to have ten men lined up to use you.
    No, She’s not going to drain you of all your blood.

    Fantasies can run into extreme territory, and replicating them 1:1 can sometimes become impossible. It’s not just a matter of hard limits, but a matter of legality. A Domme will not throw Her entire career on the line to humor a fantasy that could put Her behind bars.

    However don’t get discourage. That doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to roleplay this within a scene! We’re fairly creative beings; We toe the line of fantasy and reality all the time. So while We cannot get to the literal epitome of your fantasies sometimes, give Us the opportunity to theme your experience close to it.

    • Keep your email to Her reasonable and realistic:

    This is to all the men who can often yap themselves into a spiral in the interim of applying and far too often it causes them to up and quit before they get their foot in the door.

    Every Domme that you approach keeps a busy life. Friends, family, partners, perhaps another job, hobbies, gym life, playthings other than you… make sure you are concise with what you want. Overthinking your approach and trying to supplement it with more typing is one of the worst things you can do to yourself as well. I like a good balance of flowery talk and waxing rhetoric, but I also like a sub that has at least some idea of what they want.

    It is for these reasons that emails that read like your college thesis, and emails that are as short as “u avail?” (We do get these from time to time) often go without a response. The latter will never receive an audience, but the former We can sometimes handle and break down… for a price. Sending the Domme a gift from Her wishlist or a tribute can help properly cover the time it takes to answer 20+ questions.

    The problem is never about you having too many questions or too many concerns. That’s what We’re here for. And We know it can be scary to finally seek Us out. But Our time is precious and must be treated as such. In My own practice, a tribute or gift shows respect for the time spent, or requesting a short phonecall on websites like SextPanther or Niteflirt can be a perfect opportunity to discuss more in-depth details of play. Plus, My voice is perfection — it’s truly a win-win.

    Once you’ve received a response and an approval to carry on with screening, make sure your information and means of doing so are exactly to the letter of what She asks for. This is not just for Her safety, but yours. I do not take kindly to the clients that balk at the thought of sending ID if they have no verifiable recent references. Your reputation is not worth My years I’ve put into a very pristine career and reputation within My community to put yours at risk, trust Me. You are not that special in that regard.

    • Know to some degree what you are looking for:

    Your fantasies may not be the easiest to translate into real play. You may not even know all the way what you are looking to experience while with Me. That is totally normal. What a Domme will not do is play 20 Questions with you to try and guess.

    Look over the list of offerings a Domme has. If nothing there sticks out to you, then contacting that particular Domme isn’t for you. If you peruse every Domme that interests you and through all the diverse lists nothing sticks out to you at all, a BDSM provider is probably not the best thing for you at all. That could be an indication that porn could be the only vehicle effective for you to explore yourself — no shame in that!

    My best advice is to look at the porn I know you have to have consumed before contact. To look at the sources of BDSM information you may have read over once or twice. If things make you twitch, or make you excited, write them down!

    A similar litmus test can be used when thinking of limits. There are soft limits (things you can only do or want to do in certain circumstances, with certain moods, or hell, or even when the moon is in the right phase in the sky), and there are hard limits (things that you never wish to experience, big no-no’s, danger Will Robinson!). If you see an act that automatically makes you uncomfortable or repulsed, write that down.

    • Remember that this is a Dominatrix, not an escort:

    The vast majority of Dommes do not offer sexual contact of any choice. If that is something you do require in order to see Us, consider looking into escorts that have kinky side offerings to go along with your experience. Trust Me, there are so many.

    This also means that you are not entitled to release at the end of your experience. I personally find denial incredibly hot and self-gratification only worthy of those who earn it, and unless a sub has indeed earned My favor through the experience or booked Me for long enough, I will not be allowing anything beyond you stroking yourself to completion. You are here for something different than normal sex, for experiencing the control of another. Therefore your orgasm may not be a part of that.

    Dommes will normally never take handjob sessions.
    Dommes will normally never put their mouths on your genitals.
    Dommes will normally never let you fuck them in any way.
    Dommes will normally never let you “orally serve” them.

    Unless you see these offerings on their websites, do not ask if you can have them. And do not ask if you can pay more to get them either. Our limitations are there for a reason and We do not have a buy-out price. If you ask for any of these things, you have already ruined your chance.

    Apart from these options, I personally also do not offer sessions that are simply edging. I know of the control element of it, but I find it incredibly boring. And the men who write “JOI” as the sole option on their applications (this has happened in the double digits worth of times in My career) deserve to step on Legos or a D-4 die.

    • Have patience:

    This is one of the biggest reasons why same-day offerings are so rare. Our phones aren’t glued to Our hands all day, and sometimes We may be unable to reach you for hours after you respond.

    This is why We are favorable toward those that do one profound thing: plan their pleasure ahead of time. We may be able to cobble something together if We have the time, but it will often mean a scene is nowhere near as good as it could be if given more time.

    If you find yourself contacting any provider, not just Dommes, and are irritable when you don’t have a response within an hour or two, I recommend sticking to porn and the instant gratification of that. Dommes and other SWers are human beings with full plates. Patience and respect get you your room on that plate.

    • Bring appropriate payment & consider bringing a gift:

    Any Domme you see will have Her own list of protocol when it comes to deposit and the remaining tribute (or “roses,” if you’re of the generation to remember that terminology) to cover the session on the day of. Make sure that you have those ready to be sent and organized before contacting to book and seeing Her respectfully.

    While not mandatory, bringing a gift will earn you high marks with her immediately. Something as simple as flowers with the remainder of your tribute can bring an instant smile to Her face, but if you are uncertain, perusing Her wishlist can give you a great idea on what to bring.

    Personally, I enjoy a good visceral horror book, bottles of sparkling wine, or even a piece to add to My kinky and non-play wardrobes, but each Domme will have Her own desires. Again, it is not mandatory, but it is very much treasured and puts you on the “good boy/girl” list instantly.

    • Be willing to accept rejection:

    Rejection never feels good, but it is unfortunately a possibility in finding the right Domme to play with.

    Whether it is due to lack of access or gear, time and physicality needed, etc., there may be the chance that you will not be seeing a Domme you have your eyes on.

    Should that discourage you? Absolutely not. Simply thank Her when dismissed and maybe even ask for recommendations on Dommes that would happily offer what you’re looking for. Often, a Domme will be thrilled to connect you with someone in Her circle that can help.

    Now let’s say you didn’t hear back from Her at all and it’s been several days, it may be worth it to send a follow-up email. If there’s still no response, the chance is high you either were incomplete or did something wrong. I will always explain to those that complete My application process to the letter if it’s not a match. The ones I ignore are the ones that have deserved it.

    Do not attempt to get pushy and aggressive.
    Do not attempt to barter your way to have Her limits reconsidered.
    Do not try to barter Her rates.
    And if you are blocked, do not attempt to circumnavigate those blocks.

    These things will often get you blacklisted in the community. Believe Me when I say this: We talk. We warn. We keep each other safe because We have to. It would be wise to show grace and look for the right match, than to make it clear that you feel entitled to Our bodies and labor. We may be whores, but We are whores with autonomy and limits.

    That’s a lot of reading, wasn’t it? I know it was wordy, but believe you Me, it will take you a tremendous way when it comes to finally reaching out to the Domme of your dreams.

    However, a final abridged list of do’s and don’ts for seeing a Domme:

    DO your research on Her and Her offerings.
    DO NOT write a thesis and 100 questions without compensating Her time.
    DO follow directions on Her website and be detailed.
    DO NOT leave your application or email scant and careless.
    DO consider bringing a gift to impress Her.
    DO NOT try to buy consent to disregard a limit of Hers.
    DO have patience.
    DO NOT send 10 more emails in a day.
    DO keep yourself grounded in reality.
    DO NOT be entitled to Her body.
    DO utilize Her online contact offerings to discuss details of a session such as Niteflirt or SextPanther calls.
    DO NOT ask about anything in-person in text or DM form on these websites (note: this can get us kicked off online platforms).

    And that seems all there is to it. All that’s left to do is put yourself at Her whims, try to relax, be yourself and have fun. BDSM is a liberating, delicious opportunity to explore a side of your sexuality in a safe, accepting, clean way.

    Have any questions? Please feel free to leave them in the comments and I’ll attempt to further elaborate on points I made or extend on others. I may even edit this to add more.

    Good luck, pet! You’ll be just fine.

  • 11/3/2025 – Hello, Kinky World

    It felt fitting for me to finally start my own blog, as Twitter (I refuse to call it X) hasn’t left Me very much room to properly convey My endlessly long series of thoughts, amusements and (unfortunately) complaints about the freaky world in which I reside: BDSM.

    For starters, if you are new: hello and welcome. You may call Me Mistress Alexxxia. I am a professional Dominatrix taking residence in Brooklyn, a borough in what I believe truly is the greatest city in the world.

    I began My kink journey as a submissive for several years before I realized societal pressures had kept My wings restrained to My sides. To the fantasist, this may be where you disconnect, and I would actually implore you to stay with Me. To the realistic kinkster, you recognize how deeply this was impactful for Me. So much of what I know now came from firsthand experience — of feeling it, hearing it, and processing it — and how valuable it became to form the type of Woman I am today. Feeling what it may take to experience the power of another, could easily become the wisdom needed to seize it yourself.

    So you may be thinking: “Mistress, what will be the point of this blog? What things will you be writing about?” My dear reader, you have quite a glut of musings ahead of you to peruse. This blog will take several forms: reflections on My experiences as a Domme (perhaps even some short stories and real accounts of sessions) for those seeking entertainment, and important lessons that I think are imperative for the budding, new or lost submissive navigating this fun but often scary and complex world.

    I’ve transformed quite a bit in My almost ten years of being a professional. I’ve watched and walked alongside the industry and the community as they’ve navigated the many changes O/our world faces today. And I find Myself both concerned with what the future will face, but also hopeful that the resilience of the kinky world I love (and the pros, clients and pets within it) will persevere.

    Censorship, discrimination, misinformation and many other factors may stand before U/us. But W/we weather every storm to maintain the kinky community W/we know and love.

    My blog is welcome to all: the seasoned veteran, the tenderfooted newbie, the hobbyist (I do have My eyes on you and how you absorb My words), the lifestyler, the client and the lost soul searching for meaning, discipline and purpose.

    Enjoy a look into My mind.

  • 11/3/2025 – Service vs. Play

    “I want to serve you Mistress. I want you to ____.”

    For those of you that have approached a Dom/me in your lifetime, you may think that servitude and play are one in the same. Hell, you’re doing what They say. Tomato tomahto!

    You actually couldn’t be more wrong. Walk with Me. Let’s learn the difference within interactions with a professional Dominatrix.

    Every day, I receive pleas to “allow [them] to serve [Me].” And you may think that servitude is something that gets your dopamine reactors firing. But what constitutes servitude and what constitutes play?

    Oxford Languages defines servitude as “the state of being completely subject to someone more powerful.” What does that mean in BDSM terms? Simple — it means that *My* happiness is the way. It can mean a variety of things — running errands for Me, massaging of My sore muscles and feet, researching things I’m far too busy to focus on, pampering and spoiling Me, engaging in the kink play that is primarily what I desire to engage with in that moment (within your hard limitations, obviously). Servitude puts the desires and needs of your Dom/me at the forefront, intermeshing your desires to give with My desire to receive and be doted on or catered to.

    Now let’s talk about play — or to specify, submission. As a professional, this is to differentiate what it is you are willing to give and willing to do with Me, putting your desires out there for Me to cater to within My own limitations. Have you approached Me wanting a session where I take My flogger to your backside? That’s play. Are you coming to Me wanting to be pegged? That’s play. That is not to say that I will not enjoy My time giving you this play, but it is not servitude. This also sets apart those that wish to engage with Me as a fetishist, and those that are submissive to their core. The former may serve, but primarily will seek play. The latter is determined to experience both sides.

    “But in this adult film I-“

    Silly thing, do you think porn is reality? Unfortunately, a point that should be common sense: this is not how real submission and service play out in every interaction and dynamic with a professional Dom/me. That video you watched of that gorgeous blonde telling her eager sub to sit between her parted legs and put their mouth to work to “serve her” is a scene comprised of two professional performers, and most of the time solely reserved for a romantic/interpersonal dynamic that is D/s.

    But, you’re a visual creature probably wanting some examples. And I’m happy to provide!

    What counts as SERVITUDE:

    “Mistress, would it please You to have me rub Your feet after a session of You wearing those heels?”
    “Mistress, i know You enjoy cook books, so i preordered this new book by [insert author here] that’s coming out in the winter.”
    “Mistress, i understand You’ve been craving sadism lately. May i offer You my ass to mark up during O/our booking?”
    “Mistress, sent you something so you can order yourself dinner while you recover from the flu. Get better soon!”

    What counts as PLAY:

    “Mistress, i’d love to book a session where You stretch my little hole out.”
    “Mistress, may i please goon to you?”
    “Mistress, i’ve finished this clip of Yours i got. Can You humiliate me for getting something so filthy?”
    “Mistress, i’m into [insert any kink]. Can W/we session?”

    As you can see, there is one big difference: effort. Service requires favors, time spent and spoiling on Me with little to no effort on My own part. Play requires equal or greater effort and time on My own part to provide that experience you’re craving.

    This also means those that can only serve within an online capacity are often left with primarily one option for servitude: spoiling. Unfortunately proximity keeps you from more options, though some other may arise for Dom/mes depending on their online presence.

    (For the record, no: being a homework sub or “retweet” sub are not useful or valid forms of servitude. Servitude is something of substance, you pressing some buttons does nothing worthy of the title of “sub.”)

    So what does this mean? Do I only see and session with subs that want to serve? No, actually! Experiencing play through Me and any Dom/me is entirely welcome to the subs willing to create a respectful and openly-communicative experience with a Us. That’s why We’re here: to create a way for you to indulge in and investigate your own curiosities and desires in a safe, accepting environment. Play is Our bread and butter and if We did not enjoy creating this outlet for you, We wouldn’t be doing this work.

    However, it becomes exceedingly easy to wish to become the favorite sub of a Dom/me (a topic which I cannot wait to talk about with Y/you all). A sub unwilling to serve, unwilling to add value and fulfillment to a Dom/me’s life, unwilling to make sacrifices for Us and make Us feel like We are worshipped and adored (truly, not the kind that simply resides in a curled, pumping hand), cannot hope to become a favorite.

    Servitude is work. Servitude is also often unsexy. But that’s what creates a challenge to any sub: putting their ego and desires aside to focus on that of their Superior.

    And those that find joy in bringing true joy to their Dom/me? Those will always be O/our favorite. Nothing pleases Me quite like a sub that has sent for My morning coffee before I get up, or a pet that has a compiled list of places to explore and eat at in an area where I’ve planned to tour (even better if they take Me on a date to one of these locations after I’ve whooped them and then coaxed them back to earth).

    However, a final note: not all servitude offered is servitude that is desired. What you have to offer may not be of interest to the Dom/me you have your eyes on, and the subs that serve the most will always be Our priority. That is the harsh reality I hope that all subs can come to understand, and play that you’ve paid for cannot substitute for service. There is a Dom/me for subs of every capability level, every budget, every list of kinks and limitations. But you must be realistic in your endeavors.