The Mistress' Diary

“I want to serve you Mistress. I want you to ____.”

For those of you that have approached a Dom/me in your lifetime, you may think that servitude and play are one in the same. Hell, you’re doing what They say. Tomato tomahto!

You actually couldn’t be more wrong. Walk with Me. Let’s learn the difference within interactions with a professional Dominatrix.

Every day, I receive pleas to “allow [them] to serve [Me].” And you may think that servitude is something that gets your dopamine reactors firing. But what constitutes servitude and what constitutes play?

Oxford Languages defines servitude as “the state of being completely subject to someone more powerful.” What does that mean in BDSM terms? Simple — it means that *My* happiness is the way. It can mean a variety of things — running errands for Me, massaging of My sore muscles and feet, researching things I’m far too busy to focus on, pampering and spoiling Me, engaging in the kink play that is primarily what I desire to engage with in that moment (within your hard limitations, obviously). Servitude puts the desires and needs of your Dom/me at the forefront, intermeshing your desires to give with My desire to receive and be doted on or catered to.

Now let’s talk about play — or to specify, submission. As a professional, this is to differentiate what it is you are willing to give and willing to do with Me, putting your desires out there for Me to cater to within My own limitations. Have you approached Me wanting a session where I take My flogger to your backside? That’s play. Are you coming to Me wanting to be pegged? That’s play. That is not to say that I will not enjoy My time giving you this play, but it is not servitude. This also sets apart those that wish to engage with Me as a fetishist, and those that are submissive to their core. The former may serve, but primarily will seek play. The latter is determined to experience both sides.

“But in this adult film I-“

Silly thing, do you think porn is reality? Unfortunately, a point that should be common sense: this is not how real submission and service play out in every interaction and dynamic with a professional Dom/me. That video you watched of that gorgeous blonde telling her eager sub to sit between her parted legs and put their mouth to work to “serve her” is a scene comprised of two professional performers, and most of the time solely reserved for a romantic/interpersonal dynamic that is D/s.

But, you’re a visual creature probably wanting some examples. And I’m happy to provide!

What counts as SERVITUDE:

“Mistress, would it please You to have me rub Your feet after a session of You wearing those heels?”
“Mistress, i know You enjoy cook books, so i preordered this new book by [insert author here] that’s coming out in the winter.”
“Mistress, i understand You’ve been craving sadism lately. May i offer You my ass to mark up during O/our booking?”
“Mistress, sent you something so you can order yourself dinner while you recover from the flu. Get better soon!”

What counts as PLAY:

“Mistress, i’d love to book a session where You stretch my little hole out.”
“Mistress, may i please goon to you?”
“Mistress, i’ve finished this clip of Yours i got. Can You humiliate me for getting something so filthy?”
“Mistress, i’m into [insert any kink]. Can W/we session?”

As you can see, there is one big difference: effort. Service requires favors, time spent and spoiling on Me with little to no effort on My own part. Play requires equal or greater effort and time on My own part to provide that experience you’re craving.

This also means those that can only serve within an online capacity are often left with primarily one option for servitude: spoiling. Unfortunately proximity keeps you from more options, though some other may arise for Dom/mes depending on their online presence.

(For the record, no: being a homework sub or “retweet” sub are not useful or valid forms of servitude. Servitude is something of substance, you pressing some buttons does nothing worthy of the title of “sub.”)

So what does this mean? Do I only see and session with subs that want to serve? No, actually! Experiencing play through Me and any Dom/me is entirely welcome to the subs willing to create a respectful and openly-communicative experience with a Us. That’s why We’re here: to create a way for you to indulge in and investigate your own curiosities and desires in a safe, accepting environment. Play is Our bread and butter and if We did not enjoy creating this outlet for you, We wouldn’t be doing this work.

However, it becomes exceedingly easy to wish to become the favorite sub of a Dom/me (a topic which I cannot wait to talk about with Y/you all). A sub unwilling to serve, unwilling to add value and fulfillment to a Dom/me’s life, unwilling to make sacrifices for Us and make Us feel like We are worshipped and adored (truly, not the kind that simply resides in a curled, pumping hand), cannot hope to become a favorite.

Servitude is work. Servitude is also often unsexy. But that’s what creates a challenge to any sub: putting their ego and desires aside to focus on that of their Superior.

And those that find joy in bringing true joy to their Dom/me? Those will always be O/our favorite. Nothing pleases Me quite like a sub that has sent for My morning coffee before I get up, or a pet that has a compiled list of places to explore and eat at in an area where I’ve planned to tour (even better if they take Me on a date to one of these locations after I’ve whooped them and then coaxed them back to earth).

However, a final note: not all servitude offered is servitude that is desired. What you have to offer may not be of interest to the Dom/me you have your eyes on, and the subs that serve the most will always be Our priority. That is the harsh reality I hope that all subs can come to understand, and play that you’ve paid for cannot substitute for service. There is a Dom/me for subs of every capability level, every budget, every list of kinks and limitations. But you must be realistic in your endeavors.