The Mistress' Diary

Findom (or financial domination) is a kink that has spread across the internet faster than wildfire across plains of dried grass. For better or worse, the fetish is here to stay, and as someone who got their start in professional BDSM work through this fetish almost ten years ago, I figure I’d touch on it, for the fellow Domme as well as the sub that may or may not have this unique craving.

First, it’s best to start with a definition. Findom is the sexual desire to submit to a Superior (or the desire to be submitted to by an inferior) in the form of cash or gifts. It plays with O/our widespread understanding that money is the most tangible source of power throughout the world, and is one of the kinks that truly puts the service and happiness of a Domme as the priority. Much like gambling, playing with one’s money on either side of the D/s aisle can often be a high-adrenaline play, and much like any other kink, it can be paired with other kinks for a fuller experience, or misused and misunderstood by those that engage with it.

In 2025, a time where capitalism has almost all of us in a vice grip, especially in the United States, findom has spread its influence everywhere. On every social media app, and often most news sites, there exists a glut of articles and conversations relating to the kink. Some highly informative, some downright reckless. And why wouldn’t it? The sacrifice of something to sustain you, to give you comfort, to afford you both luxuries and necessities, is a power play that most often plays with ease on the digital field. For the most part, it takes away the social pressure of meeting with a professional, and instead allows up to complete anonymity in handing over everything you wish to give into the hands of powerful, gorgeous Dominants.

Like many Dommes, I enjoy findom. As someone whose role defines the ultimate source of power and enjoys luxury and spoiling from My pets, it’s incredibly sexy and invigorating. I get to watch submissive, eager men use the very matter they work hours for, compete with each other with, and have been taught since youth to acquire a tremendous amount of to mean something, click it away or hand it over while I watch those numbers crow higher. It is, in fact, a kink of Mine, as it exists as a substantial proof of My power. But like many Dommes, I am also often disappointed in the weaponization of the kink and the name of the kink itself in play with both sides of the aisle.

First, the Dominant side. As I mentioned, mention of findom can be found anywhere across the internet. One of these endless troves of content being the popular app TikTok. And this is where My personal disgust with the gross misuse of the kink tends to rest. Each new year brings new generations of girls into the industry with findom as their lantern to guide them in, but so often they stop right there. The number of men who genuinely have this kink (who often refer to themselves as human ATMs, cash cows, pay pigs, etc.) is not as big as communicated through these misinformed videos, and so often genuine interest around this kink — one that of course must be treated with at least some semblance of responsibility and knowledge — comes from very similar sources.

The IG model-esque woman in her early 20s with a whole class system, running a grift on a “one size fits all” mentoring program.

The influencer type that refuses to recognize findom as sex work or even kink work because “I’m not getting naked!” or “I’m not hitting them!”

Or the random girl explaining how she found a paypig and is gushing to the public when she herself is completely vanilla.

These sorts pain Me to hear about. Their existence consists of terrible takes on social media for outrage clout, whoreaphobia, legitimate kink shaming and mistreatment of subs who are genuinely trying to explore the kink. They will often avoid learning about any other kinks and why they exist in line with findom, or they are lining up a number of women to enter an industry they can’t survive in long-term with no ability to self-preserve, protect their privacy and comprehend that once you’re in, you’re never fully out. They will also often water down the experience of subs looking for providers to genuinely explore their wants and needs, reducing findom down to “more,” “sent,” “more,” “sent” exchanges. And while this can work for some, it renders the kink hollow.

I love findom because it allows for me to hold the reins of a sub’s life in a way that isn’t condemned solely to in-person play. It often opens the door for subs to explore new kinks and provide Me with full checklists of things I can use to enhance the experience, such as hypnosis or niche types of humiliation. With each new generation, kinks may change, but especially now in a growing state of anti-intellectualism and cheapened AI-clad content, those who are left seeking a way to scratch their itch often feel cheated, and so often feel scammed.

It is My genuine opinion that if you are not willing to handle the stigma of doing this line of work (and you will face it no matter how “bad” you think you are), and are not willing to engage in a capacity that involves you taking the time to learn how to do things safely, this is not the community for you. If that makes your chest tighten and your shoulders rise in defiance, I’ll need you to put things in perspective. Any woman that begins doing findom is doing sex work. Any woman that engages in kink should be learning about it before diving right in. And any Domme that has been around only a small handful of years should not be painting themselves as a “mentor” in this space. These things are how genuine subs are getting hurt, and while a lack of care toward men as a whole may be an appeal to some, in the long term and more widespread community, responsibility is not only important, it’s mandatory.

Now for the subs. First, I’d like to express My understanding on why money is such a high importance for them. One, the obvious, you need money to survive. Two, you’re taught a cocktail of various points of view on money. Tell Me if any of these ring true:

“You have to be the provider when you grow up. That’s what a man does.”

“If a woman even asks you for a cent, she is a golddigger. And you’re a simp if you give in even once.”

“Money is the one way to assert your dominance over those who tell you you can’t do it.”

“Work hard. And if you don’t have enough, work even harder.”

All things I’ve heard before from subs under societal pressure to earn, earn, earn. It’s one of the reason so many men seek not only findom, but submission in general. You get to turn off your brain, have decisions made for you and enter a space where there’s no constant pressure to “be the man.” You simply exist as a gimp, a slave, a slut, a wallet… whatever it is you crave that a Domme can help you achieve. You may even get the well-timed ego destruction you’ve been in deep need of for a while. And that space is a beautiful thing. But so often, the sacrifice of money in any form is misconstrued as this.

As a Domme, I come across subs oftentimes that misunderstand not only My role, but My facets as a professional and kinkster, often because of one findom post. These men immediately tell Me they’re not into findom the second they say “Hello, Mistress.” And I mean, when they’re not even prompted to tell Me their limits. This tells Me a few things: some of these men have been forced to engage in findom if they want any sort of play from Dommes they approach, or they see even one dollar out of their accounts in the form of interaction with Me or content purchased from Me as one in the same with findom.

Findom takes many roles, but every exchange or sacrifice of money does not qualify as findom. Below are some of the things that do not count as findom:

• purchasing clips or audios
• subscribing to Her OF, LF, etc.
• paying Her rate for a session, be it call, video, or in-person
• paying initial tribute to a Domme when you wish to converse with Her

The last of these is perhaps one thing that will be seen as most controversial, but it’s a common test utilized by many Dommes, not just solely “FinDommes.” Tribute is an act that shows intent, of appreciation for time spent on anything from getting to know one another to common discussion. The harsh reality is this: all Dommes are busy, full-lifed beings. They encounter hundreds of contacts per month. If I spent the time answering every message and email from every person to reach out to Me, with or without intentions to compensate Me for My time, I would have no time left for the things outside of being a Domme that matter to Me.

The funny thing is: most of My personal toys that I keep close aren’t even into findom as a kink — they’re into My happiness. I don’t need to drain every sub that approaches Me at all, even if I enjoy it, because like each sub that approaches Me, My own tastes are diversified. But regardless of kink present or not, a quality sub to a Domme, particularly one who is hoping for closer dynamics with a Domme, does have an important trait: generosity. The subs allowed to grow beside and serve Me are those that are willing to make concessions to My happiness and to bettering My life. Selflessness is one of the best traits of any human being, and that includes My personal pets. A refusal to do these things will keep you at a “client” or the occasional play partner in this setting, and while you are clearly welcome to still engage, you must come to terms with the barrier you will put between yourself and a true dynamic with Me and, quite frankly, any Domme you wish to have wrap a collar around your neck and call you “owned.”

The deterioration of this kink especially has been something to concern Me for quite a while, and while I’m hoping things can simmer down (less in an old-guard way and more of a “please educate yourself” way), it doesn’t seem like that will be happening anytime soon. For now, all I can enjoy is the stream of pets that trickle into My field of reach, and hope that the subs that seek out this deeply mindfucking kink, with or without Me holding the purse strings, to find fulfillment in how that kink is truly meant to be played with.