The Mistress' Diary

Short answer, not likely.

But not so fast. Before you exit from this article, let’s break this down and talk about it. The long answer, I guarantee to you, is going to be of value to you.

I’m in no way a stranger to being asked this, begged this, practically demanded this. And 90% of the time, it’s all wordy fluff when the toy I’m playing with is at a horny, emotional peak. So, step by step, W/we’re going to discuss what ownership is, what it isn’t, and what asking for it so quickly can result in. I will also be going by two different perspectives — one, that of someone who has played in kink for nearly 15 years and has been in a significant amount of D/s dynamics, and two, that of someone that’s been watching (sometimes with pride, often with dread) the landscape of kink in online spaces change and almost completely eclipse kink in person. So to anyone bitter, mouthy and willing to boil My experience down to the face-value opinions of an “online findomme” you have no respect for, take a seat or disengage here. My credentials are ample.

I’m no stranger to a D/s dynamic where a sub is considered “owned.” I’m no stranger to placing collars firsthand around a sub’s neck and feeling them embrace Me in thanks once I do the clasp or buckle. I’m very familiar with the journey from curious sub to loving devotee, and from simple sessions to having someone at My heel that knows My likes, dislikes and preferences in every matter. How I take My coffee in the morning, what kinks turn Me on and what My future dreams are take priority over what I can do to make a sub cum harder and faster (if ever allowed). To Me, it has never just been words on a screen or over the phone that have built My dynamics to be long-lasting and wonderful.

My dynamics take time and effort to build. Months and months and months of selflessness, taking initiative, experimentation with the new and scary, separation of kinky and casual engagement, and exploring chemistry all are necessary when seeing if a sub is right for Me to collar and own. I need to see that a sub sees Me far more than just a kink dispenser. Age (as long as they’re 21 and older), gender identity, race, physical looks, experience level, preferred kinks… they don’t matter to Me. They need to show that they care, can maintain that level of care, have a sense of humor, want to grow… the list of things I expect boxes checked off of is long. But in any relationship dynamic, that’s normal!

Nowadays more than ever, the pleas for ownership can come as quickly as first message ever sent to a Domme. No research done, no chemistry tested, not a dollar spent on enhancing My life or experiencing whether W/we would work out, nothing. These new, overzealous fetishists (I will not refer to them as subs as those that are truly submissive understand the work that goes into the process) see a hot Woman online and beg for ownership without wanting to do the work or learn what that even means.

I’ve also been the unfortunate one on the end of conversation re: ownership where I’ve been approached by a sub wanting to be owned, because he is, verbatim, “looking for a Domme to own him.” That’s an instant disqualification and a quick indicator that this isn’t serious, because they’ve let slip one big truth. To rephrase what their words mean when said this way: “I have been messaging 20+ Dommes today that have turned me on with the same message, hoping one will take me.”

Cast a wide net, catch more fish? Not in this world. And not when you overestimate the tools you have versus what you’re hoping to attract with them. You’re not catching mermaids with that handheld orange plastic net you got at the dollar store.

To those that wish for ownership, it’s not to fill a gap, which is what Mr. Looking For Any Domme is doing. It’s not to get off harder. It’s a long-term to lifelong commitment to someone you see as your Superior, your Muse, your Everything. You wish to dedicate your life to pleasing Her and making Her feel like the Goddess She knows She is. You’ve been entrusted with Her vulnerability and can hold your own even if most of what you do is commanded and regimented.

You’re also one who is entrusted with carrying the name your Domme has chosen for Herself with respect and pride. About once a month, a new account will show up on Twitter, Instagram or LoyalFans with some iteration of My name in their handle (ex: AlexxxiaDrone, CuckforAlexxxia, AlexxxiaSimp, etc.). And guess what? They’ve never paid or served or played with Me. Most of the time, they’ve never even spoken to Me. They just want to be seen with the least amount of effort, or to say that their adoration alone is what makes them My property. And the most comedic part of it all? That username will change to “honor” another Domme within days. How devoted of them.

To any boys reading that have done this: being owned will never be up to you. You may choose which Domme/s you wish to serve and have the right to decline a dynamic when offered, but you can’t say you’re owned on your own.

To wear My name without earning that right is outrageously disrespectful and marks you as untrustworthy from the start, and will result in complete loss of communication from Me. You can be a fan of My work, while also showing respect, and wearing My name just because you find Me really hot or bought one clip back in 2020 you come back to every few months is the opposite of respectful.

The growing number of cases of insta-ownership demands spawns from several things: fetishization, entitlement, delusion and the hunger for the instant gratification that every other aspect on online life is programmed within your algorithm to give you. And if you want true ownership, actual deeper relationships with a Dominatrix, you have to dismantle all of that. Sure, I may allow you to roleplay being owned, but My owned boys pay and spoil Me handsomely, always more than those giving their first silly impressions do. So yes, you will be held to that standard if you wish to play pretend.

No, your JOI text-based session where you demand I call you “Mine” and “My good boy” over and over so you can cum, when all you’ve done is the same up and down wrist motion for 45 minutes every day, isn’t going to be humored unless the price is right. If you need to take the time to be sad and process that information, go take a breath to do it and come back. Professionals like Me are here to steer you in the right direction, and the discomfort that comes with learning and dismantling things you once believed in the kink world in unavoidable.

So does this mean I won’t play with you? Absolutely not. Does this mean I won’t train you to be something I want or desire as a sub? Absolutely not. These are the first steps of working toward that. But without the patience and consistency, that’s where you’ll stay. You can see examples of My dominance across the internet on a crazy wide scale, but you need to make your submission appealing to Me. Would you get on bent knee with a ring when you’re out on your first coffee date with someone? No, that’d be insane. I consider it the same here. Words have meaning, so use them properly. The Goddess that you’re eyeing is meant to be listened to, shown respect, and of course courted.

I’m also always accepting of the reality that I may not be the Domme for you, as much as I come to love O/our play. And that’s okay — even though I am a Domme, I’m not infallible. I’m human just like you are, with flaws and a capacity for making the occasional mistake. It happens. But what you see of Me, what I can do, what I’m capable of and what I desire spreads far and wide. The first step will always be to make sure that I’m the one you wish for. Or one of the ones; W/we’re fully in support of the pets that bounce around with their own little base of Dommes they enjoy! The second step will always be to begin to set the stage to show Me that you’re a sub that I may wish for as well.

The ones that try, and continue to try in earnest, are always going to go farther than those that approach with one hand on their cock and the other copy-pasting the same pleas to any Dominant Woman willing to turn their eyeline to them.

And to any sub that finds themselves in play with a Domme that already begins discussing ownership in the first few messages or saying you are owned within the first session you have: I consider this a significant red flag, and you should as well. Dommes are particular and one session does not represent the full scope of who either side of the play is. You don’t know your play partner well unless you’ve formed a rapport over some period of time. And Dommes eager to consider you exclusively-owned property after the first send or session are communicating to you that deep dynamics to them are either cheaply bought or easy to acquire. There’s nothing as sexy as a Woman who’s particular about what She wants, and always knows what that is.

As this entry comes to a close, I hope I have not dissuaded you with ever trying to pursue a dynamic. Quite the opposite; I hope you’re emboldened to work harder to get it. Even after so many subs have passed through My life in nearly ten years of professional kink, I adore the dynamics I form and nurture, because the select few who enter into them share the same passion to keep them fed that I do. Anything worthwhile takes emotional and physical work in creating or growing it. Get that fire under your ass burning bright. To those that see ownership as an orgasm enhancer, I may not be able to stop you, but I do pity your reductionism. To those that are seeking the right one(s) to serve in perpetuity, get out there. It exists, you just have to keep going.